How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days by Howard Bronson

Author:Howard Bronson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780767911351
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2002-05-14T00:00:00+00:00

Day 14

Temptation

Hung Up at Midpoint

LET'S SEE, NOW: feeling alone, bored, and miserable versus being back in the company we miss. Which sounds better to you? The wrong answer may seem irresistible, especially on a cold, lonely night. If the circumstances of your parting permit it, you may figure, What the hey! After all, what harm can one more “last” get-together with your ex-lover do? So you call . . .

The hard reality is, such lapses can set back your recovery for weeks. The odds are excellent that you’ll find such calls or visits are time wasted on an old lesson you have no need to relearn. But perhaps the pull of old habits still has a primal power over you. One sweet word, one little crisis, any excuse and you take the chance that things may have changed. If you were cruel or cold in the breakup, you may now feel guilty, and therefore more vulnerable to such “false starts.”

So how do you finally break yourself free? A self-destructive method is to distract yourself by taking up with a new lover in no time at all. One woman we know always has her new flame answer her phone in order to give her old flame the message that his fire has gone out. That’s tacky, and invites retribution.

Another potentially flawed method is to turn fire into ice. Just act as though your ex is dead. Don’t call him or answer his calls. This may make sense as a way to cut off an ex who has begun to act in an irrational fashion. But for most, it’s a cowardly technique that almost always leaves the door open for more contact. Silence is no way to communicate the fact of a breakup. Silence is words unspoken, closure unrealized.

So it’s time for your two-week checkup. This checkup is about one item and one item alone: telling the truth. No, not just telling the truth to your ex. It’s also about telling the truth to yourself. Acknowledge the truth of why this relationship did not serve your own best interests. Keep notes on those reasons right by your phone, if you must.

If you know the truth and respect your right to recover, you’ll agree with us that dwelling on your old “it’s over” woes just gobbles up your valuable time. It becomes impossible for you to remain vulnerable to backsliding.

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